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Mona Lisa Overdrive

Imai Hisashi

10/22/07 03:40 am - Birthday

I am one year older,
and everyone forgot.

Everyone.

6/10/06 11:15 am

do i even want this anymore

11/28/05 03:41 pm - Pilot

He told me I was His pilot, once.
It seems possible. Not that I doubt Him, more that I was hoping I could find out a history that would sit comfortably in my mind.

A pilot.
Yes, It's possible. I would like to be a pilot, I think.
I wonder if I was a good one?

I carried my Lover to bed, when He fell asleep at his desk.
And I thought, Maybe I still am His pilot.

Maybe, I am almost sure...
He trusts me to take Him to His desired destination, and that's all I ask.

10/21/05 12:36 pm

It's my birthday.
How old am I now? I don't know, anymore. I'm not sure I even have records to investigate either, the universe seems to have forgotten me.
I'm sure I had a function in the commonwealth at one point. I've forgotten that, too.
Didn't I have a purpose?

Of course, my purpose is different, now.
But it worries me that it is so easy to forget the past.
I wonder if the others have forgotten too...

9/26/05 11:09 pm

So alone.

Ugly. That's what you are, through and through. Doesn't it make you sick, when you breathe, when you know the congealing filth that spreads through you, makes whatever you are keep on living are take in the air, turning it to some kind of black ash, coating your lungs, filling your throat, your mouth, your nose...? And when you cry, and yes you do, I know you do. You cry. When you cry, is it black, too? Like a wretched whore weeping her eyeliner through the pasted grime on your face.

You tore at your hands with your fingernails until they broke and you bled, and you kept digging and screaming and crying out for this all to end, but you knew... you deserve this, you need this. How He touches you, is something you will never understand. Doesn't His hand wither as the bones disintegrate, His skin cracking, parting, flaking, bloodied, muscles tearing themselves away with the pained wrenching of tendons dwindling to strands that give out and snap
one
. after
. . . precious
. . . . . one?

And He screamed, stared at you incredulously. The pain! The shock of such pain!
How dare you?
You poisonous maggot.
This is how you repay His kindness?

And then He comes to embrace you. And you scream NO, No, No. Please, no.
He doesn't listen. He wants to own you, to possess you, to... complete you? You thought for a minute, maybe He wants to heal you.

You love Him.
With every last shred of every withered hope, like the very last cigarette, the last drop of water, like the last dead autumn leaf clinging to the very branch that cut its life as a merciless necessity against curling tendrils of cold and the certainty of a barren winter.

And you trace that ancient scar with a knife. Bite deeper, mark me to the bone, pierce me through with this DEVOTION THAT IS BEYOND LIFE ITSELF.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.

And it bleeds, doesn't it. Black. Slow, like oil. Coating your fingers in sticky darkness, your face a mess of lines now. Screaming.
Slice through the ugliness, to the... whatever He sees inside. You so desperately, desperately want there to be something left, after you've culled the evil, stilled the darkness, slain the demons that bubble under your skin.

B.
YOU.
YOU.
YOU.
YOU.
YOU.



T.
YOU.
YOU.
YOU.
YOU.
YOU.
YOU.
YOU.
YOU.


I did it all for You, Atsushi.

.

7/22/05 07:02 am - Of Recent Behaviours

I have been such a fool.
But somehow, He loves me, still.

As true as it is that I have this deep desire to hurt Him as He has hurt me, I believe I can supress it.

And I told Him honestly and He did not cast me out as I had feared.

and..
Who is Issay?

6/14/05 01:19 pm - Of hyde's downfall and my own success

So he is no longer welcome here. We will turn him away from the gates and "his" room has been locked.
He said that he has to learn a lesson. I think it means that He is bored of the brat already. Excellent.

He told me that He loves all of my music, the other day. That He loves to hear it, loves the way it compliments His voice. I felt warm.

It almost made me forget about Hoshino, Him and his wife.
Almost.

I'm glad He sees something in this face that is not distasteful.
Or, if He does, that He never says, never betrays His feelings.

6/9/05 03:28 pm - Guess who I had for dinner.



Damn Fucking Right.
I AM IMAI HISASHI

6/8/05 01:32 pm - 信じて欲しい

Please, you have to believe me.
when I said I wanted it-
I didn't mean I want the heroin, the injection, her cold piercing shock and hot fire.
I meant I wanted the feeling.
The one she gives me.
The one You could give me, if you wanted.
Don't leave me alone again...?

6/3/05 11:22 pm

I like this trial.
At the end of each day I lie in His lap as He strokes my hair and tells me all about how the session went, what He plans to do next...
But all I'm thinking of is those fingernails running against my scalp so tenderly...
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